You know how everyone says that you learn the most about yourself in your twenties? I figured since everyone else was saying it, it had to be true. So when I turned twenty, I was ready to have this epiphany where I became this incredible woman with strength and purpose. Yet, twenty came, it went, and I didn't feel any change. Thinking back on that now, I feel silly. My purpose was always there, I was just blindfolded to it. I would have these moments of clarity where I would think, "Oh surely this is what I was meant to do!" Then a few months later, I would feel lost once again and the self doubt would creep in. The voice of self doubt told me I wasn't enough, told me I couldn't do anything, and that I definitely couldn't make a difference. A lot of us call him the enemy.
I grew up in a family that loves Jesus, but I really didn't have my own relationship with Him. My feelings of emptiness stemmed from not being filled. I think a lot of my life was spent like that, drowning in the feeling of being unworthy and not feeling like I measured up. Looking back I wish I could get in a time machine, go shake teenage Brittany and tell her how happy she would be if she just trusted Jesus' plan. It wasn't until my first visit at this one church, at the new age of twenty-one, where I felt Jesus for myself. I will never in my entire life forget that time in my life, because it has completely molded me and shaped my testimony.
One thing I will tell you about this life is that having faith doesn't mean your life won't be hard at times. There have been periods of my life where I have lost my mind wondering why God was putting me through it. Relationships that ended, friendships that ended, people I was so sure of, God removed. At the time, none of it ever made sense. Now more than ever I see that it was all bringing me to this current season of life. I know that the man I married was the man intended for me, and every failed relationship leading up to him was with intention. Every friendship where I was left feeling burned, taken advantage of, or used led me to the close knit group of women I surround myself with now. I found people that hold me accountable and inspire me daily to seek Jesus, to trust Him, to keep Him close. Every mean girl, every ill intention, every terrible season opened my eyes to something bigger. They were opened to the kind of friendships I want to build, and the friend I want to be.
Walking with purpose has sometimes been an uphill battle. I won't lie to you, there have been many moments where I have wondered what people would think of me if I shared Jesus too much or too often. Yet, as my walk with Him grows, as I dig deeper, I see clearly that what I am doing is with purpose. My heart is in this. My light comes from Him and Him alone and with that I will give glory to HIM. My life truly did not begin before I accepted Jesus into my heart. He has made me the woman I am, the wife I am, and the mother I am. There has been such a peace to my existence knowing that He will never lead me somewhere He has not once stood. I rest in the fact that my life was paved before I even took my first breath.
I want to share with you all reading this that I am here for each of you. Whether it is cheering you on, encouraging you forward in any way, or praying with you during a hard season, I am here. I believe in these connections and consider you all friends! Thank you all for letting me share my heart with you, and know that in any season, you are not alone!
Until next time,